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Browse through 1000s of Funny Slot Machines Coasters for your Beer, Coffee, & all other drink beverages for your home or bar. Many designs to chose from; novelty, decorative, artistic & more. Discover and share Slot Machine Funny Quotes. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Funny Moolah is a mysterious slot machine in a way, as it features crooked cops, briefcases full of money, and a hint of tax evasion, which come together to create the perfect way to spend a few hours spinning the reels. Putting Your Coins to Work Before you get started with your life of crime in Funny Moolah, you need to place your bet.
Slot machines are among the most popular games ever invented. With a history of over a century, the slots have grown from novel vending machines to the most played game in Las Vegas and beyond. And that “beyond” we’re talking about means all corners of the globe, including the virtual world – the internet. Especially the internet.
#1: Slot machines are completely fair
All slot machines, including those in Vegas and the ones you’ll find at https://www.vegaspalmscasino.com/casino-games/slots/, are completely fair. In their case, though, “fairness” is equal to “randomness” – in short, being unpredictable. And this fairness is not just for the profit of casinos: slot machines are required by law to be random (meaning fair).
The Vegas Palms casino has a collection of over 600 slot machines. Behind them, you’ll find an elaborate random number generator (RNG), running on the Vegas Palms servers. These complex pieces of technology make sure that the result of all spins on all Vegas Palms slots are completely random (= fair). Their randomness is reviewed periodically by third parties – observe the eCogra logo on the Vegas Palms website.
#2: Slot machines are quite profitable – sometimes
Slot machines are known to make quite some generous payouts from time to time, known as “jackpots”. The biggest jackpot ever won in Vegas exceeds $100 million, while online, the total is over $21. Million that is. The Guinness world record breaking win was made by a British vet last October.
#3: Slots players are often distracted by winning
According to a psychologist doing in-depth research of the gambling industry, slot machine players are not into the game because of the win. Instead, they like how the game takes them into the Zone, a state of mind similar to meditation. Many of them are known to play through all their wins, and several of them have declared having been distracted by winning.
#4: Density
Las Vegas is the world’s most densely populated areas – with slot machines, that is. According to a 2013 survey, the Sin City has a one-armed bandit for every eight of its inhabitants. The stats say nothing about the visitors, though.
#5: One-armed bandit
Last, but not least, let’s take a look at one of the popular names used for slot machines around the world. This name was not always used for the games themselves, but the shady people who have learned to manipulate the game to wrongfully win, thus filling their pockets at the expense of the casino. Later the name became associated with the game itself, becoming synonymous with the one-armed machine itself. And it’s a perfect match, too: most slot machines do nothing but swallow your coins while you pull its single lever. Which doesn’t make them any less fun to play, though.
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Check out our collection of funny gambling jokes. We are sure they will make you laugh. If you have any gambling jokes as good, upload them at the bottom of this page.
1) I just bet £100 at the bookies that they would find Maddie, at 1000-1 odds. That way, if they ever do find her, I’ll be able to afford a fucking good lawyer.
Check out Really Funny Lawyer Jokes
2) Chuck-E-Cheese, because it’s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling.
3) My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d do anything to win her back.
4) Poker is like sex – everyone thinks they’re the best, but most people don’t have a clue what they’re doing. Dutch Boyd
Check out Really Funny Sex Jokes
5) What’s the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it.
6) A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, “What is going on? Why aren’t you playing?” The blond girl replied, “I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!”
Check out some of the funniest Dumb Blonde Jokes ever
7) Why didn’t the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.
8) They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction. My money’s on Dave.
Check out Really Funny Money Jokes
9) What did the giraffe say to the tiger at the poker table? I thought you were a cheetah.
10) What’s the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years, the dog quits whining.
Check out Really Funny Animal Jokes
11) Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.
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12) Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise.
13) I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The fucking thing collapsed.
Check out some of the best Horse Jokes ever published
14) Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
15) “I am looking for the book named ‘How to win easily and fast with poker.'” “Please check at the fantastic literature counter.”
16. Husband Comes Home After Gambling
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
“Where the fuck have you been?” screamed my wife.
I said, “I’ve been playing poker with some blokes.”
“Playing poker with some blokes?” she repeated. “Well, you can pack your bags and go!”
“So can you,” I said. “This isn’t our house anymore.”
17. Professional Gambler Screws Everyone In The Bar
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.”
The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”
The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” asked the bartender.
“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.
The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?”
“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.
“Like what?” asked the bartender.
“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,” he said.
The bartender thought about it. “Okay,” he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, you screwed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
“I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
“Aw, you screwed me again!” protested the bartender.
“That’s how I win so much money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,” said the man.
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With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whisky bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.”
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “Okay, you’re on,” he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!”
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, “That’s okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!”
Check out our awesome collection of Walks Into A Bar Jokes
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Related Links: 1. Gambling Jokes from Sickipedia.org 2. Gambling Jokes from Jokes4us.com
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